Is It Worth It?

      The 13th General Election. Such a hot topic now in Malaysia. Everywhere they are countless political parties flags being hanged. I can say that the enthusiasm of the parties are quite high. As a non-voter, I can feel the spirit cast by the supports.


       Though that seems like a pleasant image, what I'm worried about is the state of peace in this country. Tensions are high. Not even 5 minutes on Facebook or Twitter where you won't see a political post. Supporters from both sides, who were friends(or used to be), bashing each other over who's side is superior. Countless videos being circulated on the wide web, slander being out forth to demean the other party. Is this what we want? Disharmony and discord?


       We wanted a fair election, but look now. Already there are fights breaking out all over the country, most of them done by thugs, who I undoubtedly believe, having been paid by BOTH side of the contending party. Yes, I said it, BOTH sides. It would be a stupidly, immature and naively thing to believe that only one side are instigating this incidents. The prize is power, power over a country that has great potential to improve and progress to international recognition level. Who wouldn't be desperate enough to do anything, even disrupting peace, if greed and power-hungry are the coals to their ambition.


        I see posts and comments, calling those who vote Party X are stupid, dumb, brainwashed and ungrateful while another said Party Y are corrupt, power-hungry, idiots, oppressive and selfish. Friendships and kinship being broken, and for what? A political party? Yes, it is your right to choose a party that best represents your believe, but thread carefully. Do not condemn others of their choice. If you do not agree with any of their points, make a civilised and mature conversation. Fight with facts, not just using your emotion. God gave you brains, use it well. Otherwise you wouldn't be any different than from a neanderthal.


        One of the thing that bugs me the most are the race card. Oh my god, how that annoys and infuriates me. And trust me, both of them uses it. Feeding everyone racist sentiments just to bolster your own support. That is dishonesty, in my book. You claim and preach about unity, yet you divide. Being Malaysian means respecting other races, not just your own. Use that card to promote unity. I won't comment on the Bumiputera vs non-Bumiputera issue, because I am a torn man. Let this be sort out by those who knows these things best.


         Let's say this party X wins this election, with all this fighting and feelings of malice, disharmony, paranoia, was all the campaigning worth it? Is it worth destroying the peace we had, however fragile that was, just because you wanted power. This applies to both sides, you know. Using fear might be a good way to win, but maintaining power using it is a hell of a job. That's how rebellion starts, you know.


         Alas, these are my two cents. If you agree, good. If you don't well, that's your view. If you disagree with me, feel free to leave a reasonable reason and comment. For those who are voting and have decided on who to vote, be safe. Those who still can't vote, like me, there's always next time. In Shaa Allah.


Till next time.

Ciao.

The Ungrateful Son

        A son asked his mother to buy his tickets for his trip back from campus online. After having bought the tickets, the mother gave him the ticket reference ID for him to print it himself. After looking at it and about ready to print it, the son became mad. The ticket had all the right details. His name, departure date, return date. The only thing he wasn't satisfied was the seat and coach. Mind you, he told his mother to buy a train ticket.

       Now, trains have this 3 types of coaches. The first type is the second-class couch, where the seats are quite packed, and the cheapest. The second type is the first-class bunker, where the whole coach is made up of bunker beds, about 20 beds on each side. The last coach is the first-class seats, where you have more leg space and is considerably much more comfortable compared to the second-class seats. And also the most expensive.

       Now the issue here is that the son wanted to take the bunker coach. He wishes to lay-around, snooze for a bit, and when he saw the ticket, it's not what he wanted. He felt hot inside. Anger swelling. He wanted to tell his mother, complain to her on why she bought the wrong ticket. But then it dawned to him. Why must he complain about something that his mother gave him? She bought it for him, when HE himself requested her using HER money. He realised that he didn't even told her which seat he wanted anyway. A mother love knows no bound. He looked at the ticket again and saw the couch: it was the First-Class Seat. His own mother, without him telling her which coach to buy, bought the most expensive one just for him. He felt ashamed.

      "How could I?" he asked himself. Why did he, even if it was just for a moment, felt such anger? He realised that he has this unkindly trait of being ungrateful. Has his heart become dark? Even to his own mother? These are the questions he asked. He quickly compose himself and thank his mother. He knows that he was wrong. He felt humbled by this event, however minor of an event it is. Thus, he learned a valuable lesson on gratitude: you may not get what you wanted, but sometimes you may get something better.

       
And that son, ladies and gentlemen, was me.

Ciao.

The Unsolved Payment

Today, after 2 weeks, I finally met the treasury department about a certain payment. A payment that has been put on hold for almost 1 year. After giving the clerk all the details last two weeks, I came up to her today and wanted to see the progress. Lucky that I did. Apparently they need more stuff to verify before the payment can commence. Me, being tired of handling this thing any longer than it should, just nodded and went on my way. After brainstorm on various of solving the problem(forging signatures, collecting old forms), I finally can see the perfect plan. Only thing standing my way is to implement the plan. Hopefully its the last.

Man, isn't it tiresome handling this thing. For almost a year this payment have not gone through and all because of bad management. I admit I have contributed to this mess but the thing is, now I know who I should not give the responsibility on handling this payment. This could have been settled if it weren't for that person meddling in this business. Now I'm out so please, let the demons of the past stay in the past.

That's all for this time. Till next we meet.

Ciao

Vent It Out, Let It Out

It's been a bittersweet weekend and monday. Been feeling down and worthless all of a sudden. Keep getting this thoughts on how worthless I am and how I suck. Kinda depressing.


                            We were hanging out when I asked my friend, who is an expert in reading a person's personality by interaction, about my flaws, my problem. When he explained it to me, I felt down. Not because what he said was untrue, it's the fact that all of it is the truth and I can't help but agreeing. I know it but I can't seem to do anything about it. Low self-esteem, don't know how to make and keep friends, don't know how to express myself, very submissive, those are my traits that I think is the reason why I am like this.

                            Then there's the issue of me feeling like I'm just the test subject on how to raise a child for my parents. They put me as a trial and error dummy that what they did to me, they felt that things they shouldn't do to my brother. They already have plans, set up tuition for him, plan his good schools and have  back up plans for him and let him choose what he wants to do while I? I have to follow what they want, meet they're expectations, be the good son, speak when spoken, never argue. I feel like a mannequin. Devoid of emotion, letting people determine my life. He gets to have friends over, go competition, be encouraged by my family, have the support of doing what he likes. I have to be the responsible one, the one who cleans up every mess, get the attention. ITS FRUSTRATING. Now they bring him here, bring him there. Go have fun here, have fun there. Funny thing is that they didn't do it while I'm there. Always when I'm away. Always posting it on Facebook for me to see. Even sending me pictures on the fun they're having. While I'm stuck here, doing things I don't think I fell like doing, all because I have to "fulfill the families expectations". I just so so sad.
     
                                I got nothing to be proud of. No special skill, talents and ability. I don't think I look great. My brothers got the good looks from my mom's side of the family while me? I got tainted by HIS genes resulting in I don't know what I am. Why does he gets what I feel like I want. Does god really have something against me? I'm so sick of it. Death seemed so inviting sometimes.

                            Then there's debate. Being the "president", the 1st meeting sucked in my opinion. I mean, come on, others can speak better than me, lead better than me. Why did they chose me? Why? I feel frustrated that all this expectations of me is too much. I depend on people too much, too passive that people sometimes walk over me. How the heck am I suppose to I'm prove? I don't have fangs to bare. I just nothing.

                            I really don't know what to do. I feel socially awkward, I find it hard to strike a conversation, too shy, get nervous too fast, and am sick of this world. I hate it.

Fuck it. God help me.

Ciao.

New Semester, Same Old Problems

Well tomorrow is the beginning of the my 2nd semester here in Penang. God how much I dread being here. But what to do, life gives you apple, make apple pie. Or just eat it. Seems that what I've planned for my last holiday wasn't a success as much as I want it to be. Been slacking of some of my plan such as:

1. Going to the gym
2. Jog around the park (or the neighborhood)
3. Buy a dumbbell
4. hangout with friends

Now I gotta face old problems and new ones. Man sure hope I can survive this shit. Hope god have great plans for me this semester. Gonna juggle with classes and debates and everything. Haiz....

Till next time. Ciao.

Just went through some scholarship websites. Apparently most have the minimum requirement of 3.50 CGPA and above. Since my first semester's CGPA is only 3.40, I gotta work extra harder to get those score. But man, ain't gonna be hard? With the stuff I gotta handle? The debate thing is gonna be a handful. I was chosen to be the president. THE PRESIDENT. Just when I thought I don't want to be too active or too standout and get a post and stuff, this shit happen. What a fucking nuisance! I plan to just lay low, keepin' it chill, but no. God apparently have a different idea. Just wish I got some heads up or something. Damn annoying man! I keep trying to tell myself that "It's His test to you" and all but I still can't shake it outta my mind. Only time can tell.

Till next time. Ciao

Results are out

Well, just checked my resu;lts via e-mail. Seems to me I can never get an excellent result after all. Always stuck with the mediocre ones. 3.40. another 0 point motherfucking 1 to get a Dean's list. This sucks. But hey, beggars can't be choosers. Atleast its near enough. This is just a phase of sorrow thats probably gonna last not too long for 48hours. So, till next time.